Posts tagged ‘Graeme Bannister’

July 10, 2012

Stuff and nonsense

by 3arn0wl

Liz Bannister wanted to bake a Victoria Sponge for tea. She didn’t have all the ingredients though,  so she sent Graeme to the Farmers’ Market with a shopping list:

Well, for some reason Ella Miller wasn’t there, so he couldn’t get the flour.

Phil didn’t have any eggs left either.

And so, in the best traditions of the professional supermarket shopper,  he substituted a packet of Roger Moore’s biscuits for the flour,  and a carton of Minnie Driver’s cream cheese for the eggs.

He’d got everything else though, so that was good. He was sure Liz would be pleased too. 😀

February 22, 2012

Glory Be

by 3arn0wl

In some sort of desperate pilgrimage, the Beau Street fox ran through a choir rehearsal at St. Nick’s this morning, sprinkling his ash-tag as he went.

In a top-C-turvy kinda way, Hezekiah Pratt was looking forward to hearing the most sublime Misery ever written in the Minster this evening.

And in a perpetual state of excitement,  Curate,  Christine Tenning is on the lookout for Fr. James Dean of St. Nick’s coming on his moped to Evening Prayer.

But Mister Bannister,  in the absence of anything better to do,  is fossicking around with the remote,  looking for a half-decent game of footie to watch.

January 10, 2012

An Epiphany. Or two.

by 3arn0wl

Antonín Biskup was having a strange sort of day. It’s not unusual for him to receive such a commission, indeed, it’s not even unusual for him to receive two such jobs in the same day. What was unusual was that, quite independently, he’d received the same commission, twice.

Eddie Lowe had been in to see him yesterday afternoon, with the idea of turning the near derelict Winskill into a habitable place for Poppy and Andy to live in. Providing they could get planning permission, of course.

And strangely enough, Mister Bannister had been in that very morning to enquire whether it would be possible to convert one of the barns in the farmyard into a bolt hold for them.

Two conversions? Probably not. But a great idea nonetheless.

October 9, 2011

Fire! Fire!

by 3arn0wl

He knew they’d be round!

As soon as Mister Bannister had got his industrial strength secateurs out and had started cutting his hedges, he was expecting the flashing red lights!

As with the symbiotic relationship between the Oxpecker and the Buffalo, the farmers were trimming their hedges after the Summer growth and the fruit, and the firemen were desperately searching for wood in preparation for the Poppleton Bonfire Night & Firework Display.

And hey presto!  Mike West and Harry Prince turned up – begging for the offcuts.

Graeme was happy to engage in a little community service though, and promised to take the cuttings, and some other bits of wood he’d stored for the bonfire, down to Poppleton on the trailer.

August 17, 2011


by 3arn0wl

A lorry has shed its load on the A440, jettisoning bales of hay and bowling the cars behind it like 10 pins.

The truck was carrying straw from Mister Bannister’s farm in Little Sniffy, when the straps broke and the huge, round bales spun off the trailer.

“They were like Barnes Wallis’s bouncing bombs coming at us,” a motorist following the lorry said. “We had to swerve to miss them.”

“The incident happened as the lorry was accelerating onto the Poppleton ring road at just after nine o’clock this morning,” police said.  “It was heading anti-clockwise.”

One lane has been closed and there are reports of long tail backs on the A4411 interchange into Poppleton.

The Highways Agency was at the scene by 10 a.m., bedding down the straw.

August 9, 2011

Cropped top

by 3arn0wl

There is absolutely no doubt that the crop circles which appeared last night in Top Field, Little Sniffy were not created by extra-terrestrial life.

Andy Bannister admitted taking a scythe to the crop overnight in an epic romantic gesture: “Me and a few mates were up all night cutting it – no-one ever tells you how difficult it is, getting the lines straight and stuff.”

The crop is due to be harvested later on in the week – weather permitting – but Bannister (22) who works on his parents’ farm, decided to make a rather public proposal to his long-term girlfriend, Poppy Lowe (Eddie Lowe’s daughter) before the combine came out.

The proposition elegantly quoted the famous Wurzels eloquent lyric:

I’ll stick by you, I’ll give you all that you need
We’ll ‘ave twins and triplets
I’m a man built for speed
And you know I’ll love you darlin’
So give me your hand
But what I want the most
Is all they acres of land

A source close to Lowe said that she was delighted by it, and is likely to accept.