Posts tagged ‘Eddie Lowe’

July 10, 2012

Stuff and nonsense

by 3arn0wl

Liz Bannister wanted to bake a Victoria Sponge for tea. She didn’t have all the ingredients though,  so she sent Graeme to the Farmers’ Market with a shopping list:

Well, for some reason Ella Miller wasn’t there, so he couldn’t get the flour.

Phil didn’t have any eggs left either.

And so, in the best traditions of the professional supermarket shopper,  he substituted a packet of Roger Moore’s biscuits for the flour,  and a carton of Minnie Driver’s cream cheese for the eggs.

He’d got everything else though, so that was good. He was sure Liz would be pleased too. 😀

June 26, 2012

Spinning a yarn

by 3arn0wl

Eddie Lowe was in the Flying Pig last night,  volubly spinning a yarn to any and all who would listen,  about his wife spinning a yarn:

Apparently ever since the sheep have been fleecedTricia Lowe’s been spinning a yarn,  and all the time she’s been singing Schubert to herself,  spinning a yarn:

About Gretchen. Who’s been spinning her yarn,  and spinning a yarn about how her head’s been spinning ever since she met him.  And the dizzy blonde doesn’t seem to mind who knows about it!

June 19, 2012

Strawberry shortage leads to unusual jams

by 3arn0wl

There were long queueueueueues on Eddie Lowe’s fruit stall @ the Farmers’ Market earlier, as news spread throughout the region of a shortage of soft fruit.

Local celebrity, Felicity Flowers, contacted press Here, to alert us of the crisis, and ever since, we have received numerous reports regarding the looting of jams and preserves.

Farmers were said to be employing veg-ilantes with nets to defend their soft fruit. However, on closer inspection they turned out to be scare crows, and the nets were covering the fruit.

Market traders reported a run on beans, though perhaps that’d make something more akin to chutney than jam.

Within the past hour,  Inspector Force has issued the following statement: “This is a matter of grave importance. If members of the public see criminals with more than 2 pots of jam or 2 punnets of strawberries, or red lips and mouth, they SHOULD NOT approach them, as they may be dangerous. They should report the sighting immediately to the police”.

June 9, 2012

“Husband!” “Shepherd!” “Have you any wool?” “Yes Trish!” “Yes Em!” “Three bags full.” One for the dame, and one for the dame, and one for the dame who’s having a jolly long scarf knitted.

by 3arn0wl

It’s the annual sheep shearing competition over @ Gawthrop Farm, and as usual Margot Lemon’s fleecing the flock.  A more unlikely sheep shearer are you likely to find,  as she stands there in her twinset and pearls,  doing a ewe a minute.

She’s not overly discriminatory though,  so I wouldn’t get too close:

  • ᗡႱ’s already had a number two,
April 2, 2012

March 32nd…

by 3arn0wl

… and there was April Foolery everywhere:

Tim Panini had put Fiona on the rota to work. When she got there she was greeted with “April fool”. She had the last laugh though – she wrote a spoof letter of resignation.

Jenny Darling dumped DJ by text message, which upset him momentarily, until a text five minutes later invited him ‘round for a Sunday Roast.

Harry had nipped out and put a “Sorry for the damage” note on his dad’s Leaf, then cracked up as he watched him give it a thorough examination.

Maria told her dad that she’d had her navel pierced. He went ballistic until she said “April fool”. She neglected to tell him she’d had a tattoo done though.

And Poppy chose her father’s birthday to tell him that they were having a kid. But  Eddie wasn’t falling for that old chestnut! April fool.

March 25, 2012

Lizzy saves the day

by 3arn0wl

Emily and Alistair were going away for the weekend – a last opportunity to go camping before the baby arrived.  He was having trouble getting anybody to feed his lambs though.

He’d asked DJ,  but he’d already got a date with Jenny.

Joe was busy on the craft market, where sales of his magnificent mobiles had been brisk last weekend, so he couldn’t do it.

In desperation he thought about asking Eddie,  but wasn’t sure he’d remember to do it in time.

And as he was sitting in the Flying Pig,  bemoaning the situation,  Liz Bannister,  offered to do it for him.

March 15, 2012

Middle March

by 3arn0wl

Godwin Heal’s served the sick of Poppleton faithfully for a generation. Now it seems he’s required to become a manager.  He’d been to see Michelle Biskup who’d advised him to take on an accountant, but he’s not sure.  His wife’s always kept her eye on the books.

Meanwhile Gloria Moore née Devine had been driving home from school in her 4×4,  and noticed that Poppy & Andy appeared to be living in Bill Spooner’s caravan.  She thought that wouldn’t do at all, so she went over to see Eddie Lowe to find out what he intended to do about it. Roger Moore thought she shouldn’t be meddling in other people’s business.

And a position has just opened up on Little Sniffy’s parish council,  and Roger Moore fancies his chances.