Archive for ‘Little Sniffy’

July 12, 2012

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put a-sounder.

by 3arn0wl

Wendy and Murray are celebrating their 12th wedding anniversary.  The family have gone for meal at the Flying PigGrace is happily occupied – busily sculpting every scrap of paper she can find and continues to fold the pink napkin that Fiona places in her lap.

By the time the food arrived it was too late!  The table had been turned into a pigsty.  And Grace Merryweather had landed herself a part-time job!

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July 9, 2012

On your marks

by 3arn0wl

Mrs. M.P. Robinson demonstrated her supreme command of the whistle again earlier today @ the Little Sniffy CofE Primary School’s Sports Day.  School Secretary,  Gloria Moore née Devine relegated,  as usual,  to the position of impartial scorer.

A handsome crowd came in their finest to offer support and vocal encouragement to their little darlings, except for Rosie Barrieclough, who arrived wearing an extra-large T-shirt and leggings – thereby bagging first prize in the Sack Race.

Rather unfairly, in many observer’s eyes, Noah Wan entered his limb-deficient whippet for the 3 Legged Race, but justice was seen to be done as Thunder espied a rabbit,  and chased that instead.  In the end, Ella Miller and the vicar came first.  Together.

The Egg & Spoon Race was, as usual, owned by Cook Cakes, who can whip up a custard faster than anyone.

And everyone participated in the backward running race, .ɘƨɿɘvɘɿ ni ǫniʜƚ ɘloʜw ɘʜƚ nɒɿ-ɘɿ bnɒ

July 7, 2012

Amazing Grace

by 3arn0wl

It was some time, and a fair distance, before Wendy & Murray Merryweather realised.

What with the mayhem and confusion associated with transporting a young family and their friends, it’s hardly surprising that they hadn’t noticed that their eldest daughter, Grace (8), wasn’t with them.

Hastily turning their people-carrier around, they traced their steps back from the Poppleton ring road to Gawthrop Farm, Little Sniffy. They went to the llama field – her favourite. No, she wasn’t there. They looked around the sheep enclosure, but no, she wasn’t there either. Nor was she picking fruit or spinning wool. So, once more into the Maize Maze they went.

It was probably closer to half an hour before they found her, sitting crossed-legged, right at the centre, a seraphic smile on her face, having conquered the labyrinthine vortex.

But find her they did, and their prodigal daughter was handsomely compensated with chocolate ice cream.

July 1, 2012

An act of God?

by 3arn0wl

The vicar’s overslept again!

Awoken by the sound of the church bells summoning the faithful to matins,  he jumped out of bed on the wrong side and,  unthinkingly,  donned his wife’s trousers before dashing to the service.

Half way through the second hymn he groped under his cassock, looking for his sermon notes which he remembered putting in his slacks, only to realise the enormity of his predicament. Fumbling frantically,  he found a pencil,  a half filled balloon,  a stick of chalk and a nail.

And thus it was that he was able to improvise a sermon based on Psalm 8 vs 4, in place of the Dangers of robbing Peter to pay Paul one that he’d planned.

June 26, 2012

Spinning a yarn

by 3arn0wl

Eddie Lowe was in the Flying Pig last night,  volubly spinning a yarn to any and all who would listen,  about his wife spinning a yarn:

Apparently ever since the sheep have been fleecedTricia Lowe’s been spinning a yarn,  and all the time she’s been singing Schubert to herself,  spinning a yarn:

About Gretchen. Who’s been spinning her yarn,  and spinning a yarn about how her head’s been spinning ever since she met him.  And the dizzy blonde doesn’t seem to mind who knows about it!

June 24, 2012

Much Fiddling & Tossing

by 3arn0wl

Thousands, hundreds, several young people flocked to Gawthrop Farm, for the annual music festival this week.

Festival goers – dressed in dungarees, checked shirts and straw hats – went crazy when the Headline Act, The Wurzels (tribute band) sang their top ten thousand hit… You don’t get drunk: clambering at the bar for the Flying Pig’s Scrum-P.

Nick Berry proved to be a recidivist – he was seen leaving the farm after his set, with countless punnets of strawberries he’d plundered, and a very red mouth.

The planned Karaoke was transformed into a Barn Dance when an amateur group of accountants from Chorley turned up and started fiddling.

And in the quagmire that was twenny acre field, there was an unexpected outbreak of welly-tossing. Sheep were apparently stunned by the accuracy of some of the throws.

June 23, 2012

Scrum-P with Rosie

by 3arn0wl

Rub a dub dub
She sat in the pub
Enjoying Lord Rupert’s Rosé!
Tom Bell grabbed a cider,
Sidled up beside her
And frightened poor Rosie away.