Strawberry shortage leads to unusual jams

by 3arn0wl

There were long queueueueueues on Eddie Lowe’s fruit stall @ the Farmers’ Market earlier, as news spread throughout the region of a shortage of soft fruit.

Local celebrity, Felicity Flowers, contacted press Here, to alert us of the crisis, and ever since, we have received numerous reports regarding the looting of jams and preserves.

Farmers were said to be employing veg-ilantes with nets to defend their soft fruit. However, on closer inspection they turned out to be scare crows, and the nets were covering the fruit.

Market traders reported a run on beans, though perhaps that’d make something more akin to chutney than jam.

Within the past hour,  Inspector Force has issued the following statement: “This is a matter of grave importance. If members of the public see criminals with more than 2 pots of jam or 2 punnets of strawberries, or red lips and mouth, they SHOULD NOT approach them, as they may be dangerous. They should report the sighting immediately to the police”.

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