Detractors

by 3arn0wl

The region was proud to host a stage of this year’s National Pro-Celebrity Vintage Tractor Race yesterday. The contestants positively trickled through the villages of Upper Snodding, Lower Snodding and Little Sniffy on their way to the finish line in Poppleton.

Penelope Keith looked fetching in her pirate’s costume, though it has to be said that a 3arn0wl on her left shoulder spouting carp is no substitute for the famous manufacturer of ladies underwear.

It emerged that Graham Seed was disqualified from the race for making illegal adjustments to the engine of his Fordson. Much of the Middle East seems to be very keen to know where he got the plutonium from, to generate the one point twenny one gigawatts of electricity.

Meanwhile local hopefuls, Angela Anyould and Felicity Flowers might have done well to concentrate on the driving rather than trying to juggle or play the flute in a wet suit at the same time.

Lewis Hamilton on the other hand masterfully inched to the finish line in a record time of four hours thirty-three minutes, having tended to 2 punctures, a leaky radiator and a big end. It remains unclear at this point who the big end belonged to.

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