Archive for ‘Chorley’

June 29, 2012

Not a clue!

by 3arn0wl

She was sure he’d thought you just arranged to go somewhere nice with a mate and paid for the pop and crisps.  And all that was very enjoyable of course,  but she’d got other things planned too!

And boy was he surprised! In fact he thought a less broad-minded individual might’ve been shocked about some of the things that’d happened:  some nice, some gross and all of them dead embarrassing!

But how was he supposed to know what went on on a first date?  It was his first first date, after all!

June 27, 2012

The Three Degrees – Eve of tomorrow

by 3arn0wl

Out of the Chorley sausage making factory spews this season’s well-cured bangers, attired in their superhero gowns and mortar boards,  ready to take on the world.

Amongst them our protagonists.  How did they fair?

June 21, 2012

The time, The Place, any wear

by 3arn0wl

There was worship of an unexpected sort as Mick Jagger and Keith Richards left The Place this morning.

The pair were mobbed by a large group of Druids in full regalia as they struggled to reach their cars just after dawn, rather than the customary scantily clad young women they’re used to.

The crowds soon dispersed however, when they realised that the two gentlemen were …… .. … ……. … … … …….. …….

June 15, 2012

Cinders May Ball

by 3arn0wl

Earlier in the week, hyperbolic paraboloids were erected on the immaculately manicured lawns of Chorley Uni for the May Ball, and last night revellers arrived, arrayed in their finery,  feasted,  and then kicked off their shoes to dance.

Undergraduate Pixie Smith effervesced, “The band were brilliant, the fireworks were fantastic, and of course, you can’t beat a glass of the Flying Pig’s sparkling perry, Maison.”

But disaster struck at midnight, as an errant firework hit the marquee and fire engulfed the big top.

Thankfully there were no fatalities, and the two sisters who underwent surgery, had planned to do so before the event – for cosmetic reasons.

“It’s a miracle that no one was hurt.” Chorley University‘s Vice-Chancellor said, “It went from a fun party to Dante’s Inferno in no time.”

Fireman Harry Prince is currently touring the area, to redistribute several pairs of shoes.

June 10, 2012

Pigs might fly

by 3arn0wl

A ǝʌıssɐɯ helium balloon served as a beacon over the tabernacle of the beer tent, attracting the Young Farmers, like moths to a flame, to Fiona’s Suffolk Punch.

Everyone had gone of course:

As always, Chorley Showground provided a vehicle to showcase all the latest farming gear for the farmers to drool over: hoes, sprayers, riddlers, ploughs and crossp dressers.

This year the show took on more of a festival atmosphere:

And at the end of the day J.W.’s bull is always best in show. …………………….

May 22, 2012

Four firsts

by 3arn0wl

Simon took Cedric for a cruise on La Belle this morning.  It’s the first time his beagle’s been on water.

Hezekiah Pratt premièred his new work,  Hedges Concerto,  @ Chorley station during rushower. It’s a Concerto Gross-o, for kazoo, panpipes and didgeridoo.  Most commuters blithely ignored the historic event, though a few booed it.

Hogwatch have reported the first sightings of Erin Aceidae and her friends using the tunnel those soft vergers excavated last year.

And Will’s been up at the trig point way above Winskill:  the first opportunity he’s had to test the balsa wood glider he’s made.

May 14, 2012

Pass it on, boys.

by 3arn0wl

Well there they are.

Shitting nervously in the Great Hall, in perfectly rigid rows – like atoms in a solid – ready to take their final hurdle.

Their armoury?  Just a quiverful of quills and the knowledge dripped down over three years, from the generation above.

And amongst them a quiet, unassuming, intellectual who’s seen it all five times before.  But what makes Ray Burns stand apart from the rest?